Finally, be willing to work on your relationship and to truly look at what needs to be done. If what the other person really meant was, "Hey, you're a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you," he or she can say so, but in a nicer way. Show appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other. But if you and your partner feel like you're starring in your own nightmare version of the movie Groundhog Day -- i. Conflict Occasional conflict is a part of life, according to New York-based psychologist Susan Silverman. Do you see certain things that cause you not to trust your partner? Fay suggests making an appointment, but not necessarily at night when everyone is tired. Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author, Blending Families.
Swap the lists and use them to create more scenarios that turn you both on. If your sexual relationship problems can't be resolved on your own, Fay recommends consulting a qualified sex therapist to help you both address and resolve your issues. Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic. Set up some rules. Not Making Your Relationship a Priority If you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a focal point should not end when you say "I do. If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming. Struggles Over Home Chores Most partners work outside the home and often at more than one job. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. Call to say you'll be home late. Or do you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting others? Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion. Maybe during the baby's Saturday afternoon nap or a "before-work quickie. Trust Trust is a key part of a relationship. Apologize when you're wrong. Learn what truly turns you and your partner on by each of you coming up with a personal "Sexy List," suggests California psychotherapist Allison Cohen. Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills. So make yours a priority," says Karen Sherman, author of Marriage Magic! Just one little shift can make a big difference. Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counseling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error. Be sensitive to the other's feelings. Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, says a lack of sexual self-awareness and education worsens these problems. Realize you are not a victim. Changing things up a bit can make sex more fun, too, she says. Don't lie -- not even little white lies to your partner or to others.
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