Even if she was outgoing, her confidence may falter. They may even be pondering the big "What am I going to do with my life? If your child chooses to do things on her own, don't make her feel inadequate. Admonishments such as "Don't be shy" or "try to be more popular" aren't going to do your child any good or be well received, since she'll hear them as criticisms and can alter her behavior only so much. The child who has always been shy may struggle a bit more, but with support from her family she will probably come through the trials of adolescence a stronger person. She may need to figure out where she fits in and what kind of friends she really wants. Two adolescents who view themselves as "losers" or "outcasts" may get some destructive ideas about how to escape reality drugs, drinking or retaliate against people they feel have wronged them. If you can boost your child's confidence and help her have a few successes in the social arena, she'll forget about the audience and some of her shyness will likely disappear. They're worried about grades and fitting in.
Don't criticize your child's choice of friends, even if she only has a couple or you think her friends are nerdy. One child may be extremely social and another may be just as happy to have one or two close friends and spend more time at home. Your child may eventually ask for guidance, or she may work things out on her own, emerging from her isolation when she's good and ready. Either of these professionals can offer advice and put you in touch with specialists, support networks, and health facilities. Two adolescents who view themselves as "losers" or "outcasts" may get some destructive ideas about how to escape reality drugs, drinking or retaliate against people they feel have wronged them. You can also look online or in the yellow pages of your phone book under family, child and individual counselors or psychologists or in the government listings pages under: Two excellent books on the issues facing adolescents are: A shy teen may not be comfortable enough to run for student council, but she might win a prize in the school science contest or be an excellent artist. Accept that each member of a family has a slightly different temperament and her own way of dealing with the world. Being cozy with your parents is a good thing, but if your child wants to hang with Mom and Dad or her siblings all the time, she's not developing the interpersonal that she'll need to build friendships and even work relationships as an adult. Not to worry -- they can be goofy together until their interests mature. Many children go through junior high and high school with just a small group of friends or happily pursuing solo activities such as music and art. Children at this age develop what child psychologist David Elkind, author of Parenting Your Teenager, calls an "imaginary audience. Most of the time, teenage shyness is a temporary phase and nothing to worry about. Your interference will only signal that you lack faith in her. Many a loner has grown up to be a brilliant inventor or talented writer. If your child has always been somewhat shy but has recently become dramatically so, that's likely a result of self-consciousness as well. If your child chooses to do things on her own, don't make her feel inadequate. Here are answers to the many of the questions you probably have about your shy teen. If that's the case, when she does form a friendship, it may be a particularly tight one with a similarly young-for-her-age child. They're worried about grades and fitting in. This is not necessarily a bad thing: If your child is having trouble making friends and wouldn't mind some help, coach her on how to ask for and listen to other people's opinions. Remember, as much as you might wish it for your child, being popular is not a goal you want to dangle in front of her. She may need to figure out where she fits in and what kind of friends she really wants. Shyness, Ages 12 to 16 By Anne Krueger Like quite a few parents, you may have recently taken a good look at your adolescent and wondered, "What happened? If you're supportive and appreciative of your child's successes and friendships, she'll learn to see her shyness as a little quirk, not a major character flaw.
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